so, i'm still slogging through my final edit of codename: amof before finding an editor to help polish it. it's a weird thing, knowing that the book is closing in on it's completion. i've foolishly thought this in the past, even though there were niggling doubts in the back of my mind. but this time, though, chloe and co. are ready to leave my hands. i've gone as far as i can with them before a pro editor can work their magic.
but during these final edits, i'm revisiting songs that have shaped characters and scenes. i think i've said before that i'm pretty much a music nazi when it comes to writing. i can't write without it. and it can't just be a random shuffle - nope, i have to have the PERFECT song to build a scene or character to - not necessarily lyrics wise (although that helps), but in tone. if necessary, i will take quite a long time finding each song. i build careful playlists that allow me to instantly get back into the world i've created.
one of the songs that was crucial to codename: amof is singer-songwriter polly scattergood's heartbreaking i am strong. i was re-listening to this the other night as i was line editing and remembered just how brilliant a song it is and how it captured the desperation a particular character felt in the scene i was polishing.
technically, i am strong is a dirge for the tattered remnants of a relationship. polly sings of how she's already taken and how she can't imagine dating again, but on the other hand, she's at her breaking point and knows things are over. it's so sad, so incredibly gut wrenching in its simplicity and repetition. there aren't a lot of poetic deep thoughts here - i am strong is not an ode about crumbling love. instead, it represents what real life is like - in that moment, when you realize something is over, you sort of lose your breath and your ability to form cohesive, lengthy thoughts. the words that come out tend to be stunted because emotions overtake rather than coherency.
polly gets that right on in this song. she insists to herself that she's strong - that she can deal with this, but at the same time, she's fragile and overwhelmed. numb. her voice is soft with a tremulous edge, but it, along with the piano and drum's steady beats, move you through the scene (and uncertain future) unfolding.
it is a powerful song, friends. i think that, if i ever was so lucky to have a movie made of codename: amof, i'd insist upon this song being in it (if, of course, they ever allowed me a say in such things!).
i am strong
i am not weak
i'm not in a place where i can talk to you
i am not hot
i am not cold
i am not for sale, for i am sold
i am strong, I am not weak
i am not in a place where i can talk to you
i am not hot, i am not cold
i am not for sale, i am sold
i built this house, it took quite long
sticks and stones, i made it strong
i locked it up, i gave you a key
but you didn't come home to me
i am strong, i am not weak
i am not in a place where i can talk to you
i am not hot, i am not cold
i am not for sale, i am sold
i'm unaffected, yet quite confused
in a state of non security
of non security
i laugh a lot before i cry
i don't understand how you could lie to me
how you could lie to me
i am strong, i am not weak
i am not in a place where i can talk to you
i am not hot, i am not cold
i am not for sale, i am sold
i am not a prisoner, yet i'm not free
i lost my mind, but i can see
i feel a witch upon my back
she stole my soul, i want it back
i am strong, i am not weak
i am not in a place where i can talk to you
i am not hot, i am not cold
i am not for sale, for i am sold
i am sold, i am sold
(mp3) i am strong by polly scattergood
buy polly scattergood's eponymous album, on which i am strong is off of, HERE.
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