flashback friday - better than i am

so, i first discovered today's flashback song well over a decade ago during a concert at the house of blues on the sunset strip. i'd gone there to hear another band (which, honestly, i can't remember the name of) and cindy alexander was one of the opening acts. i liked her pretty much right off the bat - she was one of those heart of the sleeve kind of girls who gave each song her all, even if it wasn't the most stellar piece of music. but then she sang better than i am, and i made an instant beeline straight over to her cd table so i could get me a copy.




for those of you who have no idea who cindy is, she's a LA based singer-songwriter who was named songwriter of the year and nominated for female vocalist of the year and album of the year by the los angeles music awards in 1998. her music has been featured in a number of movies and tv shows, including party of five (YES, i loved that show!). she's currently recorded four lps and contributed to a combination of five compilations and soundtracks. she's got an easy-going style that also comes across as raw and honest, making her music readily accessible.

better than i am, the song from which her album seeing red takes its name from, is one of those brutally honest songs that really can strike a chord with anyone who years for something more in their life. disillusioned with how life is going, and stuck in a rut in a going-nowhere relationship, cindy tells the story of how she takes a chance to change before it's too late. "i wanna know now and i don't wanna wait," she sings. "'cause i'm scared it'll be too late. oh, i hope you understand."

she's so heartfelt you can't help but root for her in the song.

so you quit another job
and you save another cat
you know that i'll always respect you
at least, for that
take another toke
offer some to me
how many times do i have to tell you
it alienates me
when you say it's just a phase?
how long will this one take?
i may be in a rush
but i got a biological tick
that i just can't seem to hush

i wanna be light and i wanna see red
wanna feel the pounding in my chest
i wanna be better than i am
i wanna know now and i don't want to wait
i'm tired of holding out for fate
oh, i hope you understand
i wanna be better than i am

so i pack up all my clothes
and i give you back your ring
then you look at me like the first time
you ever saw me sing
write another song, offer up my soul
how many times do they have to tell us
we're taking a hard road
then you hold me like a rose
don't mean to hurt you but i know
sometimes love gets tired
all we really need
is to be inspired

i wanna be light and i wanna see red
wanna feel the pounding in my chest
i wanna be better than i am
i wanna know now and i don't want to wait
'cause i'm scared it'll be too late
oh, i hope you understand
i wanna be better than i am

maybe it's my curse in life
that i'm never satisfied
maybe i want too much
or maybe it's just my luck
i'm the desert and you're the sea
there's so much between us
what i'm looking for
maybe a mystery

(m4a) better than i am by cindy alexander

buy seeing red, the album better than i am is off of, HERE.